Context

One of the big shifts this past year was a returning to a path I had given up on. In 2012, when I started my first college experience at the Evergreen State College, I didn't know what I wanted to do in my life. As an artist, I knew that art and creativity would always be present in my life in some way. Elsewise I had no idea. Not a very uncommon experience for young people, I know. I let myself go with what sounded interesting at the time (a worthy place to start). I don't regret

Impetus

Distilling experiences, imaginings, and life into words is always the hardest part. It is startlingly and frustratingly easy for me to be intimidated by my thoughts, my call, my urge to share and talk about what goes on in the deepest parts of myself. Mind and soul. Shadowy voices start chiming at the back of my head 'why bother?' 'no one cares' 'don't be so self centered'. I feel a sense of shame but it doesn't feel like my own. Or rather, it doesn't feel like it comes from my self. Those shaming voices sound an awful lot like my mother and my sister.

Dream: Bringing the Dead Back to Life

I am a young person entering an old house- quirky and witchy with a wooden screen door and a beaded curtain. There are other young people in the front room of the house. I greet them as I enter and pass by them. Everyone is preparing for a large sacred gathering. I head into the …

Working With the Devil

I pulled the Devil card this morning. Already grumpy because of a dreaded morning appointment, I sat down with a lot of thoughts in my head about work and working in this modern world. I have been out of the 'typical' workforce for several months now- desiring to lean into my studies, my writing, and …

Dream: Lamps

Photo by Sahir Sujahudeen on Pexels.com Outside my early childhood home, my best friend and I stand at the street edge of the driveway. We are chasing a dog/Pikachu. The creature is the last one of a litter we've been giving to other families in the area. It is angry and confused. We captured the …

What is Creativity?

'Chimera' By Aidan Black What a great question. Heads up, my answer is going to be both complex and simple. My answer will change from day to day, from situation to situation. That is the truth of the matter for me. I am figuring out how to hold that level of complexity, the paradoxical-seeming reality …

Creative Healing Through Practice

A five-card journaling tarot spread using the Numinous Tarot by Numinous Spirit Press Whenever I feel stuck, my journaling and tarot practice support me through the process. The key to its power is that it is a practice. I set aside time for it. I have been honing my practice for years, allowing it to …

What’s It Like Writing Scholarships?

In the process of applying to college again, I've been writing a lot of scholarship essays. I've lost count after about 65 or so. It has been interesting to check in with myself. To reflect on my life thus far and to sit down and write out my 'why'. To get super clear on it …

I Resist the Ghosts

Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com I resist the ghosts. The walking dead. The ones who refuse to change, to be wrong, to risk vulnerability. I don't know for sure if this resistance is 'good' in the long term. I also don't know if this will be 'bad' in the long term. All I do know …

Act Two as a Writer and Healer

"Without the storms and rains, Life would cease to be." Let me draw a parallel between writing and bringing forth healing within yourself. One of my creative outlets is writing queer fantasy. Not only for pleasure but as thought experiments to test out situations, process challenging feelings, and figure out how to hold delicate truths …

Dream: The Childhood Mire

Photo by Petr Ganaj: https://www.pexels.com/photo/lily-pad-in-pond-water-in-summer-day-4087144/ I am in my childhood farmhouse with my current partner and my mother and sister. We are all on the main floor where the kitchen, dining room, and living room are all connected. My sister tells me that I need to take all the books from the library because she …

The Quandry of Enough

"Hand in Hand" By Aidan Black It feels like there is this endless cycle of chasing dreams, enoughness, more, less, and always being 'positive'. When will we be enough? When will we do enough? How am I supposed to listen to my heart, my internal voices of wisdom when I consume media which yells for …